For You Brother, I Will

by Eric Paniak

paniakAre we really saving our own?
We talk about brotherhood—
We talk about saving our own—
Are these things that only happen on the fire ground?

Why is it that when one of our own is having emotional problems we alienate or isolate them? Our job is inherently dangerous and mentally taxing on our families and firefighters. When one of our own has an injury or physical illness, we support him and his family. But let that illness be depression or substance abuse, and we back away like it is contagious.

We are firefighters and we are physically as well as mentally tough. So, why does this happen to us? I have been sober for 13 years and right at the time I was at my worst, all my brothers isolated me; black balled me; and forgot about me. I am a good firefighter and a good paramedic. I would give my life for my brother without hesitation. So, then, why was I left behind? Forgotten?

Let’s examine this.
I was not living up to our ethics and morals. I did not choose for this to happen to me, and while these substances were not forced on me, I took them… I get it. I did get help, and while I was hospitalized I did not get one call from the fire service, either supporting me or encouraging me. Nor did my family receive any call or offers of support. While having marital problems, no help was offered by my peers. Now I am aware that my personality may have preceded my isolation, but no one even asked. I am not looking for pity or sympathy, nor do I have any ill-will toward my fellow firefighters. In my eyes, I still believe they are great firefighters and medics. In my questioning and examining my own experience, I came to learn that I am not the only one in our service who has had this experience.

Why do firefighters not seek help? I think it is for several reasons. We are a proud bunch, not willing to admit defeat or weakness. We are ‘the help,’ we don’t ask for it. There is no 911 for us…we are it.

We see things that very few other groups see. Only the active military combat and military veterans, and police see the things that even horror films can’t depict.

So if you don’t understand us, we will not open up to you. You need to have credibility among us. We don’t trust outsiders. EAP (Employee Assistance Program) is usually an employer’s attempt at helping us, but those people, while very qualified, lack credibility (and they work for our bosses). It is very humiliating and demoralizing when you are at your lowest to have to ask for help. Officers within our departments have obligations to enforce policy, so how do I go to him and say I need help?

Consider this.
What about a program that uses firefighters, that are recovering, as a support group? (Firefighters Unanimous). What about counselors who come from the fire service? What about retired, recovering firefighters? What about professionals who are intimately aware of our job? What about providing training for firefighters to assist firefighters or public safety professionals?


My guess is every one of you reading this has been touched by substance abuse or mental health; either you or someone in your immediate family – parent, partner, sibling or child. My guess is that someone you know is drowning in debt because of the economy and has considered taking their life or has a child that is depressed and abusing drugs or alcohol. Maybe it is a retired member who has always had the answer to your problems, but now has no self-worth and is considering taking his life. What about the person who had an injury that kept them off work for an extended period of time and required pain management, and now is addicted to pain medication. These are very real problems that require real solutions.

As a responder to these situations in the civilian world, I had the answers, but when I was in the throws of my disease, I could not find the answers; sometimes I didn’t even know the questions.

In every fire department in every state there are folks among us that have the answers. I know there are firefighters, officers, and chiefs who have recovered from this disease or have schooling in disciplines such as addictions or counseling. We need to find these people; we need to unite them nationally so they are available to us. We need to educate all members from probie to chief. We need to support those affected and guide them to help. I am not suggesting that we condone this behavior, but we need to help them and support them if they choose to get help. If they refuse the help, that’s on them. That should be handled differently than a person who seeks help. We should encourage and promote, standing by the ones who want to change.

My friend, this is saving our own!

We need to understand that substance abuse is a disease (like diabetes, or heart disease), but with treatment this disease can be placed into remission and people can get back to a very normal existence.

In my research, there is a lot of discussion on these problems, but no one offers solutions. So what does brotherhood mean? It is very simple, it means “For you Brother I will.”

Brotherhood: an example.
On October 9, 2011, the day of the Chicago Marathon, a runner collapsed. Fire Captain William Lee Caviness (the runner) collapsed and died 1000 miles from his home in Greensboro, North Carolina. Then, the current Commissioner of the Chicago Fire Department at that time, rushed to the side of his brother and wife. He comforted them and took care of them like they were at home. The family was lost and alone and didn’t know what to do, but Chief Hoff did. “You step up to the plate, that’s what you do. You do everything you can for this family, Will was one of us.” Chief Hoff took care of them like they were family, a brother. That is brotherhood.

My guess is if a firefighter called Chief Hoff and told him he was in trouble, he would drop everything and run to his side, because Chief Hoff lives Brotherhood. So brotherhood means personal sacrifice of life’s comforts to comfort another not so fortunate. It means telling someone what they need to hear not what they want to hear. It means having a vested interest in the physical well-being, as well as, the mental health of the guys with whom you ride out the door. See, we know our guys behavior better than they may know themselves. So a simple, “How you doing, Bud?” may reveal some not so nice stuff, especially if we take the cotton out of our ears, and put it in our mouths for a few minutes.

Compare our situation to that of LAP (Lawyers Assistance Program) Illinois—not for profit organization that helps Illinois Lawyers, Judges, law students and their families with alcohol abuse, drug dependency, or mental health problems. Services include education, information and referral, peer assistance and intervention.

LAP recognizes that addiction and mental health problems significantly impact a professional’s ability to function in a legal setting. It is the responsibility of the legal profession to assist it’s members who suffer from such impairment.

About the Author: In 1984, Eric began in the Fire Service. He started as a Cadet and subsequently became a paid on call Firefighter. In 1988, Eric became an Illinois State Certified Paramedic. Eric has been in his current role as a Firefighter/Paramedic in a Part-Time Suburban/Rural department since 2000. He holds many certificates in the fire service including Fire Officer 1.

In 2002, Eric became Certified Heavy Equipment Operator and currently works full time for the Illinois Tollway Authority in Roadway Maintenance.

Eric is a sober member of alcoholics anonymous (AA) and has been for the past 13 years. He has sponsored numerous other members of AA to assist them in reaching sobriety. Eric speaks regularly at various AA meeting throughout the Chicago area and has chaired/lead numerous meetings.

Eric has coached youth football for the past 12 years as a part of the New Lenox Mustangs Organization. He founded the Midwest Indoor Youth Football League in 2005, an indoor Arena football league for youth ages 8 through 17 giving youth an opportunity to play football year round while learning and developing their skills, learning good sportsmanship, building pride and feeling a sense of achievement.

Eric has been married for 18 years and has 4 children. He lives in New Lenox, Illinois.