What Are These Tears Falling From My Eyes?


by Tami Bulik
Emergency Responder/Search and Rescue

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the hopes and dreams of a mother’s love as we tried to breathe life back into her firstborn son.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the broken promises, hurtful words, and fists thrown at a beautiful young woman who collapsed in my arms as her soul slipped away to booze and drugs.
They are the football scholarships and future play-off dreams of the high school football star thrown off the back of a 4-wheeler racing down a gravel road.

Tami Bulik and Bert 2014What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the years of love and wisdom passed down to three generations from the kind and gentle soul of a true cowboy who took his last breath in my presence.
They are the homemade recipes and stories of the past from the gentle soul of a great grandmother who slipped away quietly in the back of my ambulance while I held her hand and brushed away her last tear.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the giggles and laughter of a precious five year old angel thrown from the window of her mother’s mangled car.
They are the panicked screams and cries for help coming from the mouths of teenagers trapped inside their car that was T-boned on the highway.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the horror and the pain in a little boy’s face as he heard us say there was nothing more we could do to bring back his dad.
They are the whispered prayers and silent stares of the family watching us perform CPR on their loved one.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the joy and relief in a father’s eyes as we help bring his first born baby into a world full of love.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the fear and terror washing away as we tell a young mother her little one is fine and it’s just a little cough.
They are the sighs of relief and the looks of pure joy as we help a young teenager through her first violent asthma attack.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the grief and the joy, the pain and the elation. They are the heartache and the happiness, the fear and the anger. They are the good. They are the bad.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are what makes me human. They are what makes me want to do better. They are what pushes me to learn more, try harder, and be the best that I can be.

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are every patient I have ever taken care of. They are every patient I have yet to meet. They are mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters. They are a part of me and they cleanse me….

What are these tears falling from my eyes?
They are the reason I can go out and do it all over again and again….

About the Author: Tami Bulik has been in EMS since 1983 when she received her “First Aider” license in Minnesota. She is currently the manager for a small, volunteer service in North Dakota. She quit her full time EMS position on a nearby Indian Reservation in order to take this position and keep the service open in her community. Tami is also an EMS Instructor and LOVES teaching!!

In addition to EMS, Tami is active in Search and Rescue. Recently, her SAR K9, Bert, died. She is training a nine month old bloodhound to take his place. Tami is a single parent to two boys; one of them is the youngest EMR in the state of North Dakota, and the other is married. In her spare time, or in the quiet moments of the night, she likes to write and hopes to one day publish a book about her experiences in EMS.